Non-Violent Communication

The process of non-violent communication was developed by Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D., and provides four simple steps for honestly expressing yourself without blame or criticism. The site lists the steps (below), which are centered around the concepts of expressing observations, feelings, needs, and requests:

1. What you observe. Differentiating observation from evaluation, being able to carefully observe what is happening free of evaluation, and to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us.

2. How it makes you feel. Differentiating feeling from thinking, being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does not imply judgment, criticism, or blame/punishment.

3. What you need. Connecting with the universal human needs/values (e.g. sustenance, trust, understanding) in us that are being met or not met in relation to what is happening and how we are feeling.

4. What you request. Requesting what we would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what we do want (rather than what we don’t want), and that is truly a request and not a demand (i.e. attempting to motivate, however subtly, out of fear, guilt, shame, obligation, etc., rather than out of willingness and compassionate giving).

These are just the basics of the process: For more information, you should really go to the site (above) or get the book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.

Wish me luck, I’m going to try out these steps for a calm and rational confrontation with my friends!

Note to self: Don’t blame, simply express.