Tips for changing minds

The million dollar question for those of us in the Middle East peace movement is how do we convince people who don't agree with us? How can we talk to people in our families and communities when their perceptions seem miles apart from what we know to be the truth?

Unfortunately, our instinct to just barrage people with tales of violence and destruction is often the wrong one.

UC Berkeley political linguist George Lakoff writes that facts alone don't have the power to overcome people's longstanding beliefs. In other words, the narratives that help people create meaning out of events trump actual facts. When it comes to this conflict, one of the most enduring American narratives or beliefs is that of 'age-old hatreds'. This is the demonstrably untrue idea that Arabs and Jews fight because we have hated each other for thousands of years, so there is nothing that can be done. By focusing only on conflict and horror, we end up reinforcing, not challenging, this idea that we are essentially enemies.

On another level, by speaking only of awful facts, we may promote the idea that we live in an essentially unjust world, a world view that is in direct contradiction to our work as activists. Like the 6 o'clock news that says "if it bleeds, it leads," our images of death and destruction may induce anxiety, fear and hopelessness in the people we're trying to reach.

Activists must never soft pedal unpleasant truths or our passion, nor should we downplay our searing political analysis of the power imbalances which drive the conflict. Only intelligent analysis can point to a real solution. "Why can't we just get along?" is not a solution.

But neither should we be afraid to reveal the universal love that fuels our desire to get up everyday and end the occupation. We should celebrate the genuine love and respect between Jews and Arabs that can be found everywhere: amid the Palestinian and Israeli peace activists who work side by side every day challenging checkpoints, rebuilding homes, and protesting the wall.

We should tell the stories of compassion and mutual respect - how Jewish doctors bring medical care to Palestinians who desperately need it; how Palestinian families in Gaza and the West Bank, though they have nothing, insist on feeding and welcoming visiting Jewish solidarity activists. We should talk about the JVP member, a bubbie (grandmother), who protests against the occupation because, as she says, "I feel Palestinian children are my children." And the JVPer who once wanted to join the Israeli secret service "for my love of Israelis," and who a few years later became a passionate fighter for justice because "my circle of love simply grew to include Palestinians too." We should celebrate and support the Jewish-Arab families that have formed despite the war and the laws that make them almost impossible.

I have spoken to Muslim, Arab, Jewish audiences and without fail, it is such stories that inspire the greatest applause and whoops of acknowledgment. And like many of you, I have stood eye to eye with Palestinians and Arabs, tears in our eyes, feeling the pain of our senseless distance.

So when you speak about this work and the awful reality of the occupation, be courageous and let your audience know that it is the love in your heart for all people, not hatred, that propels you to speak and act. Make it clear that the occupation will end one day. The bloodshed will stop. Palestinian and Israeli children will grow up together and be friends. Arabs and Jews will cry and laugh and break bread together, and dance and sing and fall in love.

How do I know?

Because, this world I have just described already exists. There is already so much love between many of us. Just look for it. Nurture it. And speak its name whenever you can. For in that love lies not just our present, but our future. And if we don’t name it, how can we build it?