Religious Practices of the Motoristby Lee Pickett The Religion Have you ever looked at the statistics involving religion in the United States? In this country there are hundreds of religious groups, consisting primarily of dozens of Christian denominations along with a few other major religions. Unfortunately, the predominant religion in this country is not listed in books of statistics. It's known as Motorism, and it is the fastest growing religion in the world. Most Americans claim to be Christian or Buddhist or Jewish or Muslim or Atheist, but plain and pure facts do not agree. Americans can usually be seen spending several hours a week practicing the religion in which they declare their belief. That's nothing compared with the devotion that they give to their motor vehicles. Between the time spent at work earning money to pay for the costs of their automobile, and the time spent driving and maintaining it, the average American Motorist spends roughly four hours each day in devotion to a car. The Offering Most religions expect their members to contribute financially, either to the religious establishment, to another community organization, or to any charitable organization. But no religion has known such generous contributors as Motorism has. How much do you contribute to your religious establishment? Can you picture yourself paying roughly six thousand dollars each year? That's how much the average American spends on purchasing, keeping, fueling and maintaining his or her car. And Motorists certainly aren't forced to pay the heavy sum. After all, transit service rarely costs more than five hundred dollars per year, and bicyclists and pedestrians can usually get by paying almost nothing at all. And as further evidence of the generous contributions made to Motorism, a good many people have chosen to purchase Sport Utility Vehicles, in spite of the fact that they cost twice as much to fuel and many times more to purchase than regular passenger vehicles. Furthermore, the vast majority of trips made by these big cars are ones that could have easily been performed by smaller vehicles. But that's not the whole sum of cash that the average American contributes to Motorism. A few decades back, Motorists realized that they were already contributing a lot of money to their religion, but their religion demanded more. And so, as Motorism has become almost universal in the United States, our government has had the kindness to pay for some of it with our tax dollars. So what if we add up all of the money spent on constructing and maintaining roads and publicly funded parking facilities, employing police service for roads, cleaning up environmental damage due to automobiles and providing all of the other services that Motorists need? We get a government subsidy that is estimated to be $3,000-5,000 per automobile each year. Also, only 60 percent of that cost is covered by the gas tax. The rest comes from the general fund, and is therefore paid for by every individual, regardless of whether one drives a car. Perhaps this explains why so many Americans refuse to admit that such a religion as Motorism exists. What would the Supreme Court do to the government automobile subsidies if it decided to treat Motorism as a religion and applied the First Amendment principle of separation of church and state? The Martyrs Many religions have a long list of martyrs -- people who showed their faith and obedience by putting their religion before their life. And of all these religions, it's likely that few can boast as many martyrs as Motorism can. Every day, some 120 perfectly innocent civilians give their lives in fatal crashes, while more than 40 times that number sacrifice the full ability of their body. Saints must feel humble in the face of this devotion! Alas, one trait that sets Motorism apart from other religions is that in spite of all the lives that have been and will be lost for the sake of the religion, the martyrs are rarely recognized outside of their family and friends. Christian saints each get their own personal holiday to go along with all the books available that have been written about their lives. Even the poor souls who gave their lives in defending this "secular" nation are honored with enduring memorials. But victims of car crashes are lucky to receive two paragraphs in the local section of the newspaper along with an obituary before they are forgotten by society at large (unless of course they happen to be British royalty). The National Rifle Association must not be happy that 15 casualties in Littleton, Colorado have generated weeks of press coverage and immediate Congressional and legislative action on gun control. Imagine if the 120 automobile-related fatalities that occur each day got that kind of attention! The government and the media generally do not support discussion of this issue; in fact it is rarely discussed by anyone who has not lost a friend or relative to the carnage. But why is everyone so quiet? The most likely reason is that the population at large has become so engrossed in their glorious religion that faith has replaced logic. It seems that Motorists have become like medieval Christians on a crusade or early Muslims on a jihad. The Holy Temples All over the world big cathedrals, mosques and temples loom over the landscape as they glorify the tradition that worships there. But few religions have such prominent landmarks as Motorism does. In the middle of large American cities, huge parking garages rise as high as any cathedral. In this country, it is not uncommon to see an ornament or picture with a religious theme displayed prominently in front of someone's house or business. But that's nothing when compared to Motorism. Nearly every modern store or workplace in the United States displays a huge sea of asphalt right in front of the main entrance for the convenience and glory of Motorists. And nearly every modern home has a large two- or three-car garage dominating the front of the structure. That's more space than usually exists in the living room, and much more space than you're likely to see devoted to any other religion in someone's home. Highways, with their pavement that stretches out to the horizon as far as the eye can see and reaches out to almost every major town in the nation, are the Motorists' most holy houses of worship. Our government spent trillions of dollars on the Interstate highway system, and the Motorists have definitely shown their enthusiasm for it. They are so enthusiastic in fact, that each weekday in the morning and in the evening, and at the beginning and end of each weekend, Motorists flock to the highways to begin their long worship service. As more and more cars clog the highways, Motorists come to a standstill. Radio announcers refer to these events as "congestion" or "traffic jams," but I suspect that there is something more religious to it. Thousands of Motorists sitting in their idle vehicles waving their hands, shouting and honking their horns, and sitting still in what might be solemn personal reflection suggests that perhaps we are witnessing a sort of mass revival meeting. In many religious practices members are encouraged to make pilgrimages to holy sites. In various locations around the globe, pilgrims from all over the world come and brave the crowds for the opportunity to pray and experience the religious excitement that a pilgrimage generates for them. While Catholics flock to Rome, Muslims to Mecca and Muslims, Christians and Jews to Jerusalem, Motorists make their pilgrimages through congested streets and dangerous highway traffic to spend their time at an auto dealership. The Mysteries Americans love good bargains, and as a mode of transportation the automobile is anything but that. That can only mean that there is something more to the automobile than just transportation. Is it speed? Each year the average American drives a total of 750 miles. In that same period of time he or she will have spent 1,600 hours earning the money to pay for the car, driving it, maintaining it and otherwise devoting his or her time to the vehicle. That means that a Motorist earns five miles for every hour that he or she invests. Five miles per hour is not very fast. Is it mobility? Drivers can't expect very much time to be mobile between paying for their cars, chauffeuring their fellow non-driving citizens around town and sitting idly in a traffic jam. Whatever the reason that Motorists flock to it, traffic congestion costs them much of their mobility. Furthermore, Motorists can't be guaranteed their driver's license, today's certificate of mobility. They cannot receive one until they are 16 years of age, and once a Motorist earns his or her driver's license he or she must enjoy it while it lasts. If the driver becomes disabled or experiences eyesight deterioration, a situation that is quite common among the elderly of our population, then the unfortunate Motorist might lose his or her license to drive. One-third of our nation's population today cannot drive, and because transportation alternatives do not exist in most areas, they are largely immobile. Obviously there is something mystical about the automobile. Motorism has shown incredible growth this century, and it has not let up. It is certainly an amazing phenomenon to see such religious devotion to a material object, and undoubtedly we can all learn something about our nation by studying Motorism. At the beginning of this century, did anyone suspect that today's golden calf would be made of steel and rubber? For Further Reading ... Much of the information used in this article came from the excellent book Asphalt Nation by Jane Holtz Kay. I recommend this book to all licensed drivers, and to anyone else who is interested how the automobile has taken over America. Lee Pickett is a high-school student in Olympia and a Green Pages staff writer.
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