Making Waves in Olympiaby Julius Schlemmacher Summer has come to Olympia and residents are flocking to the water to cool off. But a bigger fish has visited our waters, and may come back to stay. The Yamasaki Corporation of Japan is strongly considering Olympia as one of six West Coast cities to serve as test markets for their new line of water sport vehicles. "Olympia is an ideal location for us," says Yomiru Mifune, director of sales and marketing for Yamasaki America. "Unlike many West Coast cities, Olympia is small, clean and friendly. There's a strong spirit of community and cooperation here. We feel it has great potential as a market for the penetration of our loud and powerful watercraft." The flagship of the Yamasaki line is the Pounder 550, a high-performance personal hydrofoil. It features a 550-horsepower, 12-cylinder inboard engine burning six gallons of leaded fuel each hour, propelling the craft to a top speed of 22 knots and capable of creating rolling waves of up to three feet. Amenities include a fully cushioned cockpit, a cigarette lighter and ashtray, a liquid-cooled drink holder, and a 200 watt compact disc stereo system. The watercraft have proven immensely popular, spawning several owner's clubs just months after its recent introduction. Bud Powers, a representative of the Pacific Pounder Club, attests to the product's high demand. "This is one powerful machine. People want it. "Most people work 40 to 60 hours a week in a crummy job for lousy pay. They have little control in their lives. The Pounder changes all that: suddenly, there's 550 horses mounted behind their heads, and nothing but open water ahead. It represents what makes America great: power and freedom." Many local businesses are ecstatic about the possibility of a Yamasaki retail outlet in our area. "Olympia welcomes Yamasaki with open arms," says Dee Dee Perkins of the Greater Thurston Chamber of Commerce. "This is a beautiful area. Come on over! We're ripe for the picking!" A consortium of businesses has also proposed building a world-class facility to showcase hydro racing along the eastern shore of the upper Budd Inlet. The proposed plans are extensive. A waterside stadium with a retractible roof will seat thousands of spectators. A media building with a satellite broadcasting facility will help provide worldwide coverage of events. And specially-designed buoys will offer up to 50 square feet of advertising space each. Besides hoping to capture the attention of Seattle's annual Seafair hydro fans, the group is also hoping to attract racing events from around the world. The coalition is already seeking sponsorship from leading cigarette and beer corporations. But there may be rough waters ahead for Yamasaki. Local activists complain about the extreme noise and pollution of the watercraft, and homeowners are upset about the disruption this represents to the tranquility they currently enjoy. However, Pounder enthusiasts are adamant about their rights to pursue their chosen hobby. Says Powers: "We have every right to be out on the water. It's guaranteed in the Constitution, somewhere in there. You can't ignore us. We won't go away. And soon enough, we'll be in your town." In case you haven't figured it out by now, this is a piece of satire. None of the names or organizations cited in this piece actually exist... yet. Julius Schlemmacher is a staff writer for the Green Pages.
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